


don’t hurt my pride

by lmao5sos



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alteans Learn About Earth Culture, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Coming Out, Crack, Demisexual Hunk, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Matt Holt, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Pan Hunk, crack fic?, craic fic, gay coran, haha - Freeform, honestly idk what this is, more like, non-binary Pidge, okay phew that’s it, pansexual allura, straight characters? Never heard of them, transgender shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 09:04:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao5sos/pseuds/lmao5sos
Summary: Coran and Allura are interested in a particular Earth ceremony that leads to some confessions (and confusion).





	don’t hurt my pride

**Author's Note:**

> No one in any tv show I watch are straight, whatever the writers say. I make the rules.
> 
> Literally a crack fic I wrote at like 4am, some of it makes no sense, I’m projecting myself onto Hunk, enjoy!

“Ah! Paladins! I’m glad you’re all here!” Coran exclaimed, entering the ‘living room’ area. All of them looked up to see the man sporting a cape in all the colours of the rainbow and grinning brightly.

“The princess and I have been researching human customs, since a few of the new planets in our coalition have let us use their databases! We were fascinated by, and excited to try out the ‘Coming Out’ ceremony! Who wants to go first?”

The group blinked slowly at him, processing the words. Realization dawned on their faces, but before anyone could say anything, Allura came rushing into the room, looking flustered.

“Coran! The database states that humans must choose to ‘come out’, it must not be incited! Please tell me you haven’t disrupted the natural proceedings of the ceremony....”

At this, Pidge giggled. The rest of the paladins, as well as Matt, suppressed smiles, glancing at each other in amusement. Allura and Coran shared a confused glance, worry gracing their features. 

After a few more moments of giggling, Pidge took pity on the two Alteans and spoke up.

“It’s not exactly a formal ceremony, but I have been meaning to tell you guys...”

At this, the other paladins sat up straighter, waiting for whatever Pidge would say next. 

“I told you guys I’m a girl, but...I prefer keeping my hair short-ish, and being called Pidge. ‘Katie’ is too....girly.”

“Wait, your name is Katie?! Pidge isn’t your real name?!” Hunk piped up, causing Shiro to shush him.

“It’s my alias, Hunk. Duh,” they waved a dismissive hand at Hunk. “As I was saying, I’m not really....a girl or a boy. I’d prefer if you guys used they/them pronouns around me.”

While Allura and Coran looked a little confused, they gave Pidge encouraging smiles. Shiro and Keith did the same, and Matt, Lance and Hunk went to hug them, gushing that they’d always love their ‘weird little Pidgeon’ - (Lance’s words) - no matter what.

Once they had released Pidge, Hunk gave an awkward cough and scratched the back of his neck.

“Uh, I guess while we’re on the topic, I’m pan. I like people regardless of gender. I guess I’m also...demisexual? I need to get close to someone before, you know....” he glanced at Pidge before covering their ears, earning an indignant yelp. “Sex,” he finished in a stage-whisper. 

Shiro and Allura both flushed a little at that, while the others - save for Pidge, who was glaring up at Hunk - chuckled. 

“Well, I’m gayer than a donut dancing in a time machine -“ Matt began before being interrupted by Pidge.

“That - that doesn’t even make sense, how is a donut dancing in a time machine gay?” 

“Exactly. I’m gayer than it. Anyway, as I was saying,” at this, he sent a pointed, joking glare at his sibling. “I’m super gay, so jot that down, bitches.”

Coran obediently marked down the information in his tablet, muttering the words ‘super gay’ under his breath.

“This is great, guys. Owning who you are will make you a better paladin,” Shiro stated, smiling. “Some of you guys will already know this, but I’m actually transgender, as well as bisexual.”

“That’s awesome, Shiro, but hey! I never got any credit for owning who I am! I’ve been owning who I am since the start of this damn thing!”

Everyone turned to look, surprised, at Lance following his semi-joke. Keith raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“What, owning being a straight guy?”

At this, Lance balked and Hunk let out a booming laugh. 

“Waaah....straight?! I-what?! 

“....Aren’t you?” Pidge asked, their eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 

Hunk began full on belly-laughing, tears of mirth threatening to spill down his cheeks. Lance, on the other hand, had complete and utter disbelief written on his face.

“Oh my god guys, I’m literally the most flaming bisexual ever...I-straight?! I can’t believe, I just-“ He trailed off, mouth hanging open.

“But!....but! You flirt with every female-looking alien we meet, you’re constantly talking about romancing girls? Boys have never come into the equation!”

Lance threw his arms up in a show of giving up in response to Pidge’s confusion, his voice raising hysterically.

“Boys have always been in the equation! I can’t tell if an alien is male or female, I just go for the most attractive ones, what the hell, guys! I can’t believe none of you pay any attention to me.”

Hunk, who was now wheezing with laughter, planted a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

“Lance, dude - hehe- oh, man. Don’t worry, I pay attention to your romantic escapades, and wholeheartedly accept them.” He attempted to give a serene smile, although it was still twitching with laughter. 

Lance rolled his eyes fondly at his best friend, before rounding on Keith, who had been silent and slightly flushed since Lance had begun his bisexual outburst. 

“And anyway, you’re one to speak, Mullet, being the straightest dude of us all.”

This time, it was Shiro’s turn to choke on his own spit and begin laughing as Keith’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Wait, me? You think I’m straight?!”

Lance faltered, smile sliding slightly. He glanced at Shiro, who was attempting-and failing-to hold in giggles with his Galra hand clamped over his mouth. 

“Uh, aren’t you? You know, with your-your crush on Allura?”

Finally a burst of laughter came from behind Shiro’s hand. Allura adopted an uncomfortable, shocked expression while the others looked on in bewilderment. 

“A crush on - Allura? Lance, I’m gay.”

Lance’s smirk fully fell from his face as he registered what had been said. His face went as red as his Lion and immediately became silent.

“Oh,” was all he managed to sheepishly squeak out. 

A beat of silence followed, only being broken when Shiro let out a shaky cough, his laughter subsiding. 

“Well,” Coran boomed, clapping his hands together. “If any of you are interested in our version of sexuality back on Altea, all Alteans either fit into the Earth labels of ‘homosexual’ or ‘pansexual’. I, myself am a homosexual, and the princess is of the ‘pan’ sexuality. It was not nearly as much as a taboo as it seems to be on Earth, though,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “Anyway, if you’ll all follow me, I believe my multicoloured goo will be just about ready!” 

The goo was a sludgy grey-green colour and tasted a little worse than normal goo, but everyone ate it nonetheless, deep in conversation about what they called ‘Pride Parades’ back on Earth. Keith and Lance were glancing at each other shyly, blushes on their faces, Pidge was grinning everytime someone referred to them as ‘they’ and Coran was evidently considering wearing the rainbow cape full time. 

Allura smiled as she watched over them. The ‘Coming Out’ ceremony had been a success.


End file.
